Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
