Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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