Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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