you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
