I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want her autograph on my taint
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
