You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
