Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
