I'm really into asian looking animals
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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