I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
