i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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