wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
