The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
