return my video game
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
