After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Pooping to opera.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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