how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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