WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
