They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
