I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
