its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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