Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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