So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
