I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
