I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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