I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
