You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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