I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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