were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
