I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
