I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
