Im at strip club and am horny
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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