so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
