I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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