make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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