my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
