Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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