I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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