with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
