My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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