We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
