Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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