I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
