I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
