At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize