i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We got so high we made milksteak
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
