she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
