Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
