just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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