That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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