My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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