Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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