i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize