i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
