Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
