there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
