Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
