I'm so fucking centered right now
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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