Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
