he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
