Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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