Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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