Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
