I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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