If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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