You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
