I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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