um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In other news, I just burned my penis
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize