I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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