So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
