The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Bring me that man meat
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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