do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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