$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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