i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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