I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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