Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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