Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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