pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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