Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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