wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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