I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize