I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
