You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
