You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
