I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
