I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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