Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
