She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
