Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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