That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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