I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Found the puke drawer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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