Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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