You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize