He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
