im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
