On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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