ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My ass is underappreciated
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
