woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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