Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
